I’m not usually one for commemorating or recognizing significant dates, good or bad, beyond birthdays. For some reason, putting greater importance on a particular date because of something that happened on that day always seemed to make me uncomfortable. Whether it is the anniversary of the beginning or end of a relationship, death, high-school reunion, or other event marked by the passage of time, I tend to leave those dates in the past and only look forward. Sometimes that’s easier than looking back.
So it came as a surprise to me to realize after reflecting on some of my old backpacking posts that it has been nearly 5 years to the day since a series of events that changed everything for my family and me and that for some reason, the anniversary of that date suddenly felt monumentally important to me.
I’ve experienced so much change in the last 5 years. I left a job I’d been with for 18 years. I moved to Utah to take a job at a startup in an attempt to right wrongs and give my then husband a better chance for a successful career. Ultimately I realized it just wasn’t working and we amicably separated and divorced almost 2 years ago. I sold the Livermore house, went back to my maiden name, moved back to California and in with my parents for 7 months, and finally found a beautiful place to rent nearby where I could have my animals and work on rebuilding what was left of my life.
So why after five years am I posting to my blog. Why acknowledge and lay bare the reality of what the last 5 years have meant for me on the anniversary of the events that set everything in motion? Because by looking back and acknowledging this anniversary and the significance of the events that happened on that day, I hope to move beyond the pain and sadness that occasionally affects me and claim my own independence from the past in order to move forward.
As an example, I used to love to blog, documenting my outdoor adventures, goofy get-togethers with family, and of course my beloved animals. It brought me great joy to document those memories and I still enjoying reading through those stories today. This is something I completely stopped doing 5 years ago and I miss it. Although there have been lots of ups and down over the last 5 years, I’ve also experienced great joy and happiness yet never felt like I could bring myself to update my blog… until now. =)
On this 4th of July, I am making my own Declaration of Independence from a very difficult last 5 years and in doing so, give myself permission to be the happy, goofy, and joyful Jenny I used to be. Spoiler alert – “happy, goofy, joyful Jenny” really likes to blog so there will definitely be more where that came from. =D
Happy Independence Day all. However you celebrate, and for whatever reasons, let freedom ring.